This is a story that I hate telling but what the hell First of all, - just for some background: My mom died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn't about her. I guess that's fucked up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.

Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie.

I don't want to go into too many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn't make it for me- but I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice. I probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy shit went down and I had to leave home. (My dad's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it).

Sooo... I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home.

My friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to fuck her brains out. Looking back on it now, it's pretty messed up- but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her... and it wasn't a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn't like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn't sisterly.

After we left, we all went to crash with my Sister's friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my Sister, and I got a little jealous. He's a good looking guy- and even though she was my sister- I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging.

Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government, so we all moved around a lot. I'm not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time.

My friend and my sister never hooked up I don't think- but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was fucked up. I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started gives me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips.

Sadly (although, I guess for the best) nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart... and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time- like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic like that), and she was wearing like the hottest bikini I've ever fucking seen and it brought back all the old feelings. Sigh.

A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy). I can't say I was surprised.

But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party... my friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.

One time in high school when i was 15, me and my buddies were at this party at a golf course that a girl threw for her 18th. The golf course had a strict no alcohol policy so we of course had to sneak everything in. Some kids brought a tub full of jungle juice which i had never heard of or drank in my life. After about 8 cups of this deadly concoction, 4 wine bag slaps and several hits of a dab pen, its safe to say i was zooted. Eventually the cops show up and try to trap us in the party by blocking off the entrances. So the golf course staff people who were supervising the event try to escort us to the cops but instead our drunk asses threw one of the staff guys in the koi pond, jump the railing and we ran across the entire golf course to get away from the cops. Probably one of the craziest nights of my life.

a man came into work today for his 75th bday, alone, & i mistakenly gave him the wrong ice cream. he said instead of throwing it away to just eat it, so i took my lunch break to sit down with him & before he left he hugged me thanking me for the best bday since his wife passed. then he tried to finger me

I love to drink and go out and drink and stuff but I'm not really a smoker. But last year, my friends and I went to this guy we knew's grandparents house. Mind you this was the type of grandparents house that felt like a hoarder's house, stuff EVERYWHERE and weird shit like painted wooden masks on the wall and huge plants and statues everywhere.

Anyway, so the kickback started and we were just drinking, played some beer pong and took some jager bombs, etc, etc. It was a super fun time. Then this kid we were friends with (who is the BIGGEST stoner) was like I'm gonna go outside and smoke if anyone wants to come. Well, my friends were like we're going so naturally I followed. So we get out on this patio and the stoner guy pulls out a gravity bong, which I had never even heard of before. ( If you dont know what this is its just like a really really really powerful bong).

I was feeling daring and tipsy so I was I offered to go first, now may I mind you i am a 120 lb girl who has an extremely low weed tolerance, so I can get pretty high off of a couple bong rips. So he packed the bowl and showed me how to do it, so like a fucking idiot I took the lighter and snapped the entire bowl. I remember all of my friends around me cheered and were like wow that was hardcore. I chucked and sat down on a plastic lawn chair that was next to the table out on the balcony where everyone that was smoking was chilling on. A minute or so later I looked down and my vision started spinning and contorting, at first I was just confused and looked around to find that every where I looked was spinning. I started to kind of freak out and was like uh someone help me, help me whats going on. Now I don't remember much of what else happened but I remember that I started screaming at the top of the lungs that someone needed to call 911 because I thought i was dying. My friends kept trying to console me and I literally thought I was talking to god. I ended up having to be dragged inside, and in the process i threw up all over the kitchen floor, and ended up falling asleep in a dog bed, all before 9 pm! Anyway, thats the story of me being a dab and ruining the party, hope you enjoyed :)

you party pooper!

The night before I moved into college for my freshman year, I went to a concert with my friend in Detroit. We were younger and innocent and while we loved the concert, we were hella sober. Everybody around us was getting trashed off drinks and drugs, and we were stone cold sober.

After the concert we were determined to get trashed. We picked up a random dude off the street and begged him to get us beer. He bought us a case of budlight for the low low lowwww price of $40. We were ecstatic, because we've never been drunk before. Then he said he had weed and offered to smoke us out. So we went to a quiet parking lot and watched him roll one. Neither of us had smoked in our entire lives. We didnt even know how to inhale, so we thought weed was dumb because it didnt even work on us.

Anyway, the guy leaves and we drive back to our motel. We are right outside our room when a cop happens to drive by and question us. Long story short, he busts us and makes us dump out every single can of beer on the road or risk getting an MIP. We ended up spending $40 for nothing, and were stone-cold sober that night ;(

I was about 16/17 when this happened. Some background... my extended family is huge. I have about 60 cousins on just my mom's side so that means that family reunions are extremely fun. Downside is that the aunts and uncles are extremely religious and against drinking.

At this one reunion, my cousins snuck in a ton of alcohol and we found a place to drink in the house. I was feeling like a classy middle-aged woman that night, so I decided to request some wine because you know why not?

The only time I've ever drank wine was in church so I never really knew my tolerance for wine. That night, I learned that my small ass body cannot handle wine at all. After a half-ish of a bottle, I fell down the stairs and puked on the carpet of the room where most of my cousins were sleeping in. Pretty much passed out after that and had to get filled in on what happened.

My cousins were trying to stay quiet since all the parents were sleeping so they decided to drag me to the bathroom to give me a shower. I woke up at like 6 am to extremely wet clothes and all my cousins sleeping in the corner of the room like anchovies. We had to lie to my family and say that I puked from eating "bad meat" and they believed it (maybe???).

They have given me shit about that night to me at every reunion since the bright red stain is still there.

when i was in 8th grade, me and my friends wanted to get drunk for the first time so we hit this really sketchy kid up and asked for a bottle. he says yeah sure and me and my friend end up walking 2 miles in the middle of the night to go get this bottle. so we get back to my friends house and we all start drinking and we thought we were soooooooo drunk. a few days later, the kid tells us he took one of his grandparents old liquor bottles that was 1/4 full and filled the rest with water...best part is: we paid 50$ for it. :) rookie mistakes.

I once smelled so bad that everyone died

The End.

10/10

A few months ago my sister (who is 10 years older than me) took me to a club to hear a really strange DJ. Long story short, everyone in that place was tripping on acid and sweating and jumping around to these strange mixes of animal music and this guy came up to me and started legit licking my face. LICKING MY FACE. His excuse was literally, “I just wanted to know what kangaroos felt like when they’re licking people.” I shit you not this happened to me and I need an ID so that if this shit ever happens again at least I won’t be sober