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POST SOME OF THE FUNNIEST STORYS YOU HAVE WHILE DRINKING

  • TOP 8 STORIES WIN FREE IDS, ACCOUNTS MUST BE MORE THAN 3 DAYS OLD ~ DOVEIDS ~ POST MUST GET 15 UPBOATS


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Upvoted: DoveForgeries, OldIronsidesFakes, i_main_darius, jkay17, tmac, idguyidk, vishmonsta, yungksgal, dougstamper, shoshosho, peterson312, BadGuyIds, britishcolumbia, bigAristotle, d-day66, scannableids, orange7402, Axro, liljesus, jjkpiece, usainbitch, jacobseed, bitchasspuspus, shekques, idqueenb, binghamtnid, yuabitch, putinbae, queer
Downvoted:
all 27 comments


16

orange7402 —

(THIS IS WORTH THE LONG READ) This was 2 years ago my stupid 16-year-old ass thought it was cool to throw a house party while my parents were away. I invited a few people and then said "fuck it lets make it open house" it quickly went from 15 people to about 100 in a matter of 15 minutes (my house isn't that big and everyone was on the first floor) about an hour into the party I had about half a bottle of Patron and decided it was a good idea to turn my house into the new project X. I went to my fish tank and yelled out "WHO WANTS ME TO EAT ONE?" Everyone yelled out NO! but I responded "OKAY I'LL DO IT" a few seconds later I'm holding a beautiful beta fish in my hands over my mouth like jonah hill in Wolf Of Wall Street and swallowed it whole. I felt it wiggling in my throat and stomach the entire time. next thing people take out two more fish. One goes on my grill outside and one goes in my Grandmas soup which she made the day before. people then ended up throwing my plants around the house and some in the soup also. OH, THERE'S MORE. People started to jump off my roof onto my trampoline (15 ft jump) which ended up ripping because some random big ass man fell right through it. people started to go into my fridge and throw lemons on my parents living room ($1000) 3D tv! I was like "well shit its wet. lemme clean it with Windex." next thing you know I turn the tv on and half of the screen just has lines on it. I said fuck it lets continue the party. about 30 minutes later my Grandmother comes home with my 12-year-old sister and is just confused as fuck as to what is going on. I said "all good just go upstairs ill end this soon" next thing you know people are coming upstairs with '40s in their hands and saying "Hi (orange7402) grandma, sister, and cat." next thing you know my drunk ass brings my sister down to sing for the whole party. she sings her song goes upstairs and in the meantime, someone is giving my cat Vodka. Somehow this old ass cat survived, no clue how. Next thing you see is everyone running toward the backyard and jumping over my fence yelling "ITS THE COPS!" I come to see what's going on and they pulled a few people aside. they ask one kid what's in his backpack and the dumbass replies "Alcohol" the cops then asked me if I knew that there was alcohol at the party. (keep in mind we're outside and there are cans of bud light on my patio table.) I just responded, dumbfounded "alcohol? where?" I somehow managed to let the cops release everyone and leave. I then LEFT MY HOUSE to go see where everyone went and then come back to see about 5 girls cleaning my house. ultimately the cops busted down my door, broke in illegally, and got the most major ass whopping of all time by my parents and my sister when she found out that I ate one of her fish.


1

josew —

This is the funniest story I heard all day lol


1

shekques —

this man is a fucking retard he fucking won


1

orange7402 —

wait I won. what happens now?


5

dougstamper —

Buddy of mine was super fucked up one night and was going to fuck this chick, but our school is kinda gay and doesn't let visitors be in the dorms past a certain hour. He's a D1 athlete, so he thought it was good idea to go to the athletic center and bang this chick in his teams locker room at 3am. SPOILER: it doesn't end well. I guess they were super loud, cause the janitor caught them and called the cops. When asked what he was doing there at 3am on a Saturday night, he responds with "i was just doing my laundry." He then precedes to get arrested and charged with resisting arrest, and public indecency and spends the night in jail with $1200 in fines, while the chick gets off scott free. The worst part of the whole thing was that the girl was on her period... It must have been pretty fucking good period sex lol


4

goochmaster —

Begging for upboats .___.


4

d-day66 —

I blacked out with a beer in my hand in a kids chair on some other family's campsite


4

bigAristotle —

one time at a country music festival I was very drunk and was slipped LSD, ended up fighting my best friend and burning my face on a floodlight. Woke up in someone else's underwear and nothing else on the cold hard ground. not sure how many people saw my dick that night, but from the stories and videos of the event, looked like fun.


3

trafalgar —

First time drinking was my sisters wedding. 1 hour open bar, so I thought ill just get it outta the way and enjoy the reception. Passed out before the bread got to the table. My girlfriend helped me to the bathroom where I proceeded to throw up, while trying to eat some bread. Ended up passing out on the bathroom floor. My brother, his friends, and other guests proceeded to nut tap me while I was coming to. Second worst night of my life.


3

tmac Sinjin Van Cleef —

I drunkenly stole an endzone pylon after my college's football team pulled an upset and all the fans stormed the field. Can send pictures of the pylon if anyone is interested.


2

i_main_darius Y E E T —

This man wins


3

Ramses Small Penis Compensator —

One time I got so drunk I pissed myself laughing looking at your original TN ;)

Luv u fgt


2

Axro —

I decided I was brave after day drinking half a bottle of jose cuervo and that I was gonna jump off my best mates roof (like in that movie almost famous)...everyone was shit face drunk , egged me on so I jumped. I did land in the pool, but I broke my foot hitting the bottom, thought I was drowning I began hysterically crying. My mates who were sure I was legit fucking drowning called 911 (not one of those idiots tried to save me) anyway so the paramedics showed up and laughed their asses off while taking care of me and called my parents (I was 17 at the time). Never drank tequila again still hear the story at EVERY FUCKING HOLIDAY GATHERING.


2

Ramses Small Penis Compensator —

Please let this retarded hero win. Holy shit he’s my new Superman.


2

EthicalDilemma —

Well so me and all my friends were going to a big party and it was an open bar. We got in, and then decided to celebrate by drinking a long island iced tea. One of my friends girlfriends did not know that a long island iced tea was about 4-5 drinks rather than just one. So she promptly decided to drink about 3 of them in one hour without telling anyone. Not even counting the shots she took in between. Lets just say that we had to leave that open bar more than a little early that night. She booted out of the Uber on the way home and then we made her pull trig so she would not die from alcohol poisoning. Scary at the time, funny in retrospect.


1

EthicalDilemma —

Honestly that's not even my best story but I cant tell my few really really good ones because they're unusual enough that they'd identify me to a huge number of people who were present when they happened...


1

britishcolumbia —

One time me and my buddy got so drunk we decided to swim out to this trampoline they have on the lake by my cabin. After nearly drowning trying to get there, we finally got on it, and were way too drunk to be on there. After about five minutes of jumping around on the waves, i ralphed all over him and the trampoline, and he tackled me into the water. I nearly drowned and had a scratch from his finger nails all the way from my shoulder to about my hip because I was struggling. I had to explain that to my girlfriend...


1

19andersdg —

Had a kickback at my house and invited my girlfriend and a bunch of buddies. The night ended after a lot of drinking and I was having sex in our living room.

This one girl who was younger than us stumbles out of the room in the hallway giggling and falling all over the place. She enters the living room and me and my girlfriend turn petrified. My best friend comes SPRINTING out of the room realizing what is happening and comes and tries to grab her but it was already too late. As she is like crumpled on the floor laughing, my friend mouths “I’m sorry.”

Right as he is about to leave, I ask my friend, butt ass naked under a sheet that we covered ourselves with, “Hey, could I get a glass of water?” He brings it over and I chug it down. It was surreal and I’ve never felt closer to a friend than that moment. It was the equivalent of a NASCAR pit stop. We talk about that night quite frequently.


1

baxterm —

I calapsed inside a bagel place because I was still drunk from the night before, let’s just say I was out like a light for a while.


1

yungksgal —

I was 16, at a wedding in Colorado. It was over new years, so everyone was drinking, and all of my relatives were bringing me glasses at champagne at the resort. We were up in the mountains, in the absolute middle of nowhere, and I didn't realize how much alcohol will fuck you if you are at a high altitude, or I just thought that it wouldn't happen to me. On New Years Day, the day of the wedding, I drank probably the equivalent of 3 bottles of champagne by myself. After I left the reception to roam around the resort, I ended up at the resort bar sitting next to some 30 something who was drinking alone, and I was getting him to buy me drinks. That is where my aunt found me. She tried to make me drink coffee to sober me up a bit, but that didn't work because I hate coffee, and ended up spilling it ALL over myself, like dress ruined. I don't remember anything after that, but I woke up the next morning on the bathroom floor still in my dress. I had to fly home that day and I puked in the middle of the Denver airport, in front of all of my family.


1

3two —

Back when I was a high school sophomore, I was throwing a party outdoors. I have a pretty large yard that extends to the side of my house where my driveway is, but when you're in my driveway(where everyone was) you can't see the backyard until you go to the back of the house. So sometime in the middle of the party, 2 girls go to my backyard to hook up and one of them is very drunk. Around ten minutes later I see that one of the girls is back with all of us around the pong table, but the other girl(the drunker girl) is nowhere to be seen. I was curious so I went to the backyard to see if the other girl is still there and I turn the corner to see my friend fucking the girl, in my backyard. They both are completely nude. But this time they're right in front of my parents' bedroom window where my mom is taking a nap. My friend pauses, turns around to see me and says "yo, do you have a condom?" At this point, speechless and drunk, I'm thinking "what the fuck?" So someone gives him a condom, which later breaks. Soon after I let them be. Meanwhile I'm praying that my mom won't wake up and see them RIGHT OUTSIDE HER WINDOW. They finish, party ends, I start to think that everything will be alright. But this dumbass kid leaves the broken condom in the grass without telling me which my mom finds two days later. I had no explanation for it but I somehow convinced her that nobody had sex. The next day she finds the girls underwear in the bushes and I am dead in the water at this point. I was not able to throw another party.


1

shoshosho —

I was really drunk and maybe a lil horny and started to text this chick. Ended up accidentally texting my family group chat :/


1

uptohere —

Went to Philly for St Pattys day bar crawl...drank a little too much...somehow ended up peeing on the floor of the bar and got escorted out.